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Apr. 29th, 2016

My tweets

  • Thu, 17:00: The inventor of fabric softener was said to be so delighted with his discovery he became ex-static.
  • Fri, 10:52: UK is doing more than most EU countries for Syrian refugees. Giving �65m makes us the 2nd biggest donor across the globe.
  • Fri, 10:53: We're taking in 20,000 Syrian refugees PLUS 3,000 children - but direct from the camps around Syria, so we don't reward human traffickers.
  • Fri, 11:52: @ColinJackson opens the fantastic new gym @PitsfordSchool with an inspirational speech https://t.co/cAUVcRnGgU
  • </ul
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Apr. 28th, 2016

My tweets

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Apr. 27th, 2016

My tweets

  • Tue, 17:00: Upside down cake should be cooked at 180 degrees.
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Apr. 26th, 2016

My tweets

  • Mon, 17:00: My Doctor says I’m addicted to social media. Alas it can't be cured, but it is tweetable...
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Apr. 25th, 2016

My tweets

  • Sun, 17:00: What do you call a sick eagle? Illegal.
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Apr. 24th, 2016

My tweets

  • Sat, 17:00: I’m on a weird tropical fruit diet. It's enough to make a mango crazy.
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Apr. 22nd, 2016

My tweets

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Apr. 21st, 2016

My tweets

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Apr. 20th, 2016

My tweets

  • Tue, 17:00: Police interviewed my mate and asked where he was between 3 and 5. He said: “Pre-school.” Hat-tip: Dad Joke of the Day!
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Apr. 19th, 2016

My tweets

  • Mon, 10:49: MT @EuroGuido Treasury research says #Brexit would cost 6% of GDP. Other Treasury research says EU regulation costs 7% of GDP. Which is it?
  • Mon, 17:00: Novice pirates make terrible singers as they quickly get sick of the high seas.
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